the chinese place down the street may have earned itself an exit from my speed dial.

on average i eat take-out (though not always chinese) at least five meals per week. most of the time these five meals are derived from three purchases -- though i try to avoid fast food at all costs, i do at times have to break down due to lack of time or funds and bite the proverbial weinie. so i can say that at least one of those four meals is a greasy hamburger of which i eat half before feeling physically ill enough that i dismember it to retrieve the wilted lettuce and pale hothouse tomato, then toss the rest back into a bag that assures me it is made of "20 percent recycled materials" -- though i have never fully ascertained if this factoid pertains to the bag or the burger.

anyway, the other two purchases are generally a gigantic and delightfully cheap steak salad from a bar close enough to walk to or something from my favorite chinese takeout restaurant. both of these meals will feed me twice or even three times, appealing to my MO of minimizing my expenditures while maximizing my benefits. two meals for under ten dollars cannot be argued with.

and this is where the chinese place, which boasts that it is "new york style", comes in. as of yet i have never been to a chinese restaurant in new york, so i'm not clear exactly on what this descriptor involves. is it "new york style" because it is an exhibition kitchen? because nobody smiles? because the floors are always slightly dirty, the door is always open, and none of the chairs at the three tiny dine-in tables match?

or is it the dreaded tip jar?

i don't mind tipping as a practice. when food is delivered to me, whether to my door or at a table, i will happily tip above and beyond the recommended twenty percent when service is up to par. christ, i've even double tipped waitresses at diners where i've lingered over pie and coffee longer than the usual hour mealtime, factoring in how much she might have gotten from another patron had my ass not been hogging that brown and torn vinyl booth. i was raised by nice people to believe that this is nice behaviour.

however, a line is crossed when a tip jar stands gaping and conspicuous near the cash register of a little joint where i've arrived to pick up my general tso's and wanton soup. in addition to my order of $11.50, as well as the ten minute walk through a terrible intersection to pick it up, i am being prompted to place an extra dollar in a jar for the woman who literally turns around to the other counter and packs my tinfoil-encased dinner in a plastic bag only to turn around once again to hand it to me?

if i give the dollar, i feel beaten. but being a regular customer, if i don't give the dollar, what will be said about me after i leave? "there goes that cheap girl and her dinner for tonight and lunch for tomorrow?" "no wonder she's single?" will they surreptitiously slip me a pork egg roll instead of a shrimp roll, knowing that even though i detest even the smell of pork i won't be able to tell the difference when biting into the crisp, egg roll-y goodness? it has become a dilemma.

true, there was the christmas when i arrived to pick up my food and they loaded me up with a quart of egg drop soup (not entirely sure this wasn't out of pity). but there also have been times i have waited fifteen minutes despite calling ahead while a parade of walk-ins get their meals hot and piping, without even a whisper of apology. and they oh-so-often forget the fortune cookies or go skimpy on the duck sauce.

so do they deserve that extra dollar? if i give in out of niceness or fear of pork egg rolls, am i perpetuating the problem? will there soon be tip jars at drive-thrus or movie theaters? will i have to tip the mailman or the garbage man? tip the busboy and cook, the dishwasher and hostess?

at least bartenders can use the idea of putting up with drunkard's shit as a justification of the tipping tradition. however, my chinese food provider is not getting any shit from me, as i've never been to their establishment while intoxicated (that i can recall) and i am always at the height of my good indoor behaviour. there is a certain balance of job hazards and service quality required to push a job title into the realm of tippable employees. new york style chinese takeout place, you just haven't hit that level.

so as of right now, i see no reason to be handing out dollars like religous fliers at a marilyn manson concert.