this birthday may suck, but at least i'm not in beirut.

it's only mid-morning and the sucktasticness of the twenty-fifth birthday in a life of carefully listed and yet not entirely satisfying accomplishments -- in addition to being a day terribly unsuited for tanning -- is settling down comfortably on my pale and freckled shoulders like the heavy black hood of a cloak of despair. in a house quiet and empty, here in a room of many windows through which wafts a humid and stinky breeze (most likely from the price-gauging gas station just beyond the trees), and an expansive view of the gray clouds rolling behind the squished carcass of a rather large moth splatted on the glass of the patio door, i have no recourse but to eat an entire package of cinnimon rolls while lamenting my failures and missed opportunities.

i don't know what it is about birthdays that stimulates an immediate and radical dissection of a life's choices, as well as a burning desire for a miracle mapquest to fully outline the driving directions from "here" to "there".

somehow standing one year away from an entry level career in a profession that was yesterday listed among the top five most prestigious jobs in the public eye and having several non-career related publication credits to boast about loudly on street corners after alcohol-laced binges pales when seated next to the spectre of self-expected potential.

the questions linger. was i right to walk away from something i could have really succeeded in because it made me feel pretty shitty about myself? did i really need to be so loud when publicly handing the what-for to the borderline-attractive guy who attempted to compliment me by admiring my skirt with an accompanying touch that came dangerously close to my no-no? does screening my calls make me a bad friend? am i awful because i eat meat, and like it? would it have been so wrong to fuck my best friend because he isn't happy with his boy-pleasin', empty-cat-food-can-personality doormat of a girlfriend, or did my belief in sisterhood cause me to squander a chance at some real fun, as well a something in common with angelina? is recycling even worth the effort?

these things we'll never know. attempting to make any sense of them is as useless and brain-scrambling as trying to swallow the black comedy that is our national government. maybe i should eat some more rolls instead.

however, what i do know is how easily the near and dear can obscure a larger view of the far and important. good thing articles like this one exist as perspective-forming over-coffee reading.